It has been a rough last few months in the Abraham home. A few months ago, I posted about our fertility issues. Fertility issue are a horrible thing to go through, especially when everyone around you seems to be pregnant. But I can deal with that. What I am struggling with now is just another rotten cherry on the top of this puddle of a sundae.
Just a few weeks after my last post, we conceived. We kept it to ourselves for a while and after we hit the 8 week mark and saw the beautiful little baby's heart beating away at 173 bpm, we were ready to share with our family and close friends. Horrible nausea and dizziness, far worse than I ever experience when I was pregnant with Olivia. BUT completely worth it, because I had a healthy growing right on track beautiful baby growing inside me.
I had switched doctors because of the extreme distance from my old doctor, and had my first appointment at the new hospital the 3rd week of June. Stereotypical first appointment at a new place. Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork...Then some blood work. Everything was normal with the exception a slightly (4 pts) elevated sugar after the glucose drink. Not bad at all.
Next appointment was the following week. Pap, ugg...oh well it has to be done I suppose. Nurse practitioner says everything is normal looking good. But I hadn't been feeling well. I asked about having a sonogram or even using the doppler, and she said 'Oh no, no, no, no. We don't do those until 18 weeks. I thought this was strange since I was supposed to be being handled as a 'high risk pregnancy' given my history with pregnancy. So she tells me if I am really wanting an ultrasound, that I can come back on the following Monday to have the genetic screening (that I originally declined) done which includes blood tests, and an in-depth ultrasound.
Well, I returned Monday to have my sonogram and they discovered that the baby had no cardiac activity. I was in shock. They were very cold to me and said 'Sorry, it looks like your baby died about 3 weeks ago, and you are i the process of miscarrying'. Then they left the room. I couldn't believe the complete LACK of compassion, and from such a high ranked facility! I had had no sign of miscarriage. No bleeding, no cramping, ongoing pregnancy symptoms...it was bazaar.
I went back to my old doctor, because clearly, I was not thrilled with the care I was receiving at the new facility. He confirmed the following week that they baby had passed in the late 8th to mid 9th week. At this point I was at 13 weeks and my body was showing no signs of miscarriage still. By this time, I have accepted that my baby was gone, and that I needed to have a D&C to remove the no-longer viable pregnancy and the doctor agreed that it would be the best thing. So This past Wednesday, I, along with my mother and Olivia, made the drive down to Carbondale for the surgery.
The procedure was over in just a matter of 30 minutes. 2 Hours in recovery, a few hydrocodon later, and I was on my way back home. We are now just trying to heal so that we can move on. I will be starting the fertility drug regime again in a few weeks. We are wanting to conceive again soon. It took 9 months of fertility drug last time, and the result was this miscarriage, so I am hoping that it will not take that long this time to get pregnant.
Miscarriage is very real. It happens in approximately to 1 out of every 3 pregnancies. Some women will never experience one, they are very lucky. Some women have multiple miscarriages. I am praying that sending one angel is enough for our family. We have so much love to give, and Olivia really wants to be a big sister. We have always wanted more children.
She was so excited, and explaining to her that the baby was not going to be in mommy's tummy anymore was the hardest thing for me. It was so hard. We bought a book called 'We Were Going To Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead'. Olivia is very smart for a 2-1/2 year old, but I didn't know if she would 'get it'. After we read the book as a family, she hugged me and said 'The baby went to Heaven Mommy, but it is okay, we will get another baby..It's alright'. This kid is my rock!
Brian and I are doing alright, emotionally it is going to be a long road. Physically, recovery is going to take a few weeks but I am feeling okay. I feel so sad for anyone who has lost a child. I hope someday we will meet our little angel.
